July 31, 2016
In the last few weeks I have fallen into a heavy ennui. The last few years have been a roller coaster of more bad than good and the only option was to persevere. It is almost as if the weight of it just came down on me in the last few weeks pushing the feelings of ennui to the front and squeezing out any other feelings.
In May, I became quite sick. One of the symptoms was the feeling of lethargy unlike anything I had experienced before. It took about 2 months before I was feeling almost back to normal and I want to blame that lethargy on why I wasn’t making anything but when I actually stepped back, I realized it had been nearly a year since I had really made anything. This spring I did pick up a few good sets of chalk pastels and I have been drawing. But that habit I have not picked up again since getting sick in May.
It was only in the last week that I started sewing again. I have been so uninspired that I never felt the need to make anything because I didn’t want anything. Nothing is exciting and I haven’t even wanted to go out so making things to wear seemed pointless. Everything in every clothing store looks nearly the same. Why does it matter if I buy it here or there? It is the same item with only slight changes. I did make a set of weekender bags to use for an upcoming trip and I am making a pattern for a new jacket.
Moving forward is moving forward, no matter how long it takes. [File that under “Lies we tell ourselves”]